Mr. T., heh. There’s no one quite like the T-man, but that’s not what this post is about. It’s about whether or not he could take out Captain Kirk and Chuck Norris. Tough assignment, to be sure.
T’s strong points:
He don’ take no jibba-jabba from no foo. Kirk takes jibba-jabba from foos, and so does Norris. No one really knows what Mr. T does with that jibba-jabba, and since he don’t take none, my guess is he be give it back right away.
Secondly, he’s got little South Vietnamese flags stitched into his denim vest thingy. Neither Jim nor Chuck could pull that off without embarrassing criticism.
3rd advantage: Mr. T has more merchandise on the market than Kirk and Norris combined. (To keep this a fair competirion, generic “Star Trek” stuff doesn’t count. Has to be Captain Kirk paraphernalia.) There is so much T stuff that I can’t name them all, as they include cartoons, “T” shirts, posters, metal lunch boxes, crayons, cookie jars, bathtub toys, breakfast cereal, toothpaste, socks, underwear, baby spoons, floor wax and snow tires.
Yeah, I know he can punch sharks, but so could Fonzi. Cheez.
Strong suit: Well, HE IS MR. T. He’s got serious in-your-face attitude, and could conceivably turn it up to 11 when facing Kirk or Norris, and get them to back down without throwing a punch.
Mr. T is clearly the winner in the merchandise category. He’s got the wire brush mohawk going for him, and he’s got the foos (Kirk and Norris) seriously pitied.
Because of these strong points, Mr. T is a top-notch candidate for the Big ‘Ol Gold Belt.
[Related posts here and here. Related archive here. Coming up tomorrow: Chuck Norris.]
Tacky Raccoons 
