“I’ve timed this post to go up at 12:34 ET this afternoon in order to celebrate an event that happens twice every hundred years, and happened for the second time today. The clocks will read 12:34:56 on 7/8/9 a mere 56 seconds after this post goes up in the Eastern Time Zone, as they did 12 hours earlier. It’s quirky and esoteric, but also a little bit of fun.
The previous occasion of this kind of sequencing took place in 1978, at 12:34 on May 6th. When that moment arrived, I was rehearsing for a school musical (Bye Bye Birdie), and I had everyone stop and wait out the full minute.”
When planning to turn a lame ride into something truly sucky, there are only four words to remember: Corrugated Cardboard ‘N’ Duct Tape. (The “N” word doesn’t count.)
So how do we analyze this pathetic attempt at true Babe Magnetage? Hard to say. But there are three likely scenarios.
1. The owner of this Ford POS has absolutely no budget, but works in a parts warehouse with lots of, um, materials at hand. He’s your run-of-the-mill petty thief, specializing in recyclables, and dreams about the world of industrial design while wishing he worked in a fiberglass plant;
2. The owner of the Ford POS got peer-punked by co-dorks who had some off-time when the local Arby’s closed, and decided to give him a high school graduation present consisting of one last mockery;
3. The owner of the Ford POS is a boob who ran out of spray paint to finish it off before attempting to sell the Ford POS on Ebay as an Eddie Bauer Edition.
We predict the project will be abandoned while still in its infancy.
The cardboard spoiler and skirts will be torn off leaving big ol’ honkin’ duct tape marks where the paint used to be, and the owner of the Ford POS will decide to up the ante for True Babe Magnet Status (think flat black spraypaint finish with green and orange fluorescent spackle flames) before he dumps it off on his gullible younger brother for an amount that will take him years to pay off.
Pure efficient genius.
[Image found here. Excellent collection of more Babe Magnetage here.]
P.S. I keep forgetting to use the forbidden word “retarded.”
Following in the footsteps of our Fearless Leader, I must apologize for yesterday’s post, as it addressed my fellow citizens while overlooking our friends around the globe. To make up for this egregious oversight, here are some video picks for everybody.
For Herr Eagle. [Vielen Dank für die Ausschreibung. Der Aufstand bewegt sich mit uns Ihre Pläne.]
For Chiqui and others. [Had a difficult time finding a funny video from Spain, as the Utoobage is undergoing some revamping. Video found here.]
The last one is for Rain & Metro and the rest of my friends from Canuckistan.
If I’ve overlooked any of your homelands, let me know in the comments and I’ll make up for it in a future post. (Please respond in English, otherwise it looks like spam.) In other words:
Si je n’ai négligé aucun de vos pays d’origine, faites le moi savoir dans les commentaires et je ferai en place pour lui dans un futur poste. ( S’il vous plaît répondre en anglais, sinon, ça ressemble à du spam.)
Pokud jsem přehlížet jakékoliv vaše vlasti, dejte mi vědět do komentářů a uvidíme se až na to v budoucnu post. ( Odpovězte prosím v angličtině, jinak to vypadá jako spam.)
Als ik het heb over een van uw vaderland, laat het me weten in de reacties en ik zal je make-up voor het in een toekomstige functie. (Gelieve te reageren in het Engels, anders is het er uit ziet spam.)
Если я игнорировать любые Ваши хоумленды, дайте мне знать в комментариях, и я, естественно, составляют для него в будущем пост. (Просьба ответить на Английский, иначе это выглядит как спам.)
Wenn ich übersehen habe jede Ihrer Heimat, lassen Sie mich wissen, in den Kommentaren und ich machen es in einem zukünftigen Post. (Bitte antworten Sie in Englisch, sonst sieht es aus wie Spam.)
If you haven’t read THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCEsince high school, maybe now is a good time to reread it, given our current economic situation and recent insufferable actions by the current administration. The Heritage Foundation has an excellentintroduction to The Declaration, one of the most influential documents in the history of western civilization.
Since this is our weekly Saturday Matinee, we took a walk through the Utoobage. The first video that showed up is a very nice professional rendition by a handful of left-wing has-been Hollywood stars and starlets, reciting an EDITED version of the original Declaration, with very convenient omissions… and we’ll NOT post it here.
The next video listed on the Utoobage was well produced also, but devolves within seconds to a criticism of Thomas Jefferson as a slave owner, and, besides ignoring the historical context, misses the point of The Declaration entirely, and confuses it with the Constitution of the United States. It is in fact the intro to the first video mentioned. We’ll not link to that piece of irrational and inaccurate garbage either.
But then we found this unstilted representation:
Those men, “The Founding Fathers,” had integrity, fortitude, morals, ethics and balls. They did what they did under threat of being tortured and hanged for treason by the British.
Where can we find such courageous leaders today? Certainly not in Washington D.C.
Tacky Raccoons 
