Saddened by the loss of his long-time hunting friend Inqui, Suaciq O’Neil mourns in front of a Fuji Kōgaku camera with a 50mm lens using 400+ASA film pushed to 1000, with a manually reduced f-stop that he mentally calculated as being in the realm of either 20/3×0.5, 21/3×0.5, 22/3×0.5, 23/3×0.5, or 24/3×0.5, and with an octopod for stability in the frozen arctic wind.
“Watch out where the huskies go,” he warned.
Cold water, gentle cycle, no bleach, then line dry so they don’t shrink up. Cool iron only, no steam.
Wash them twice a year only, in March and August (it’s not too late for this season), and your hats should last a lifetime.
Better yet, have a ‘Pod Wash Party like we did last week. While the hats were drying, they cooled the patio as well. If you folks have had a ‘Pod Wash recently, post your stories in the comments. (Don’t be shy… just about everybody has at least one tale to tell!)
New York, NY (Strutts News Services) – Thursday, Whoopie Goldberg, Barbara Walters, Joy Behar and Sherri Shepard (while berating Elizabeth Hasselbeck for daring to argue logic and common sense) were approached by a creature of superior intelligence from the studio audience of “The View,” and didn’t even notice. All suffered severe palp scrapes and abrasions. No beak bites were reported. Film at 11.
It’s intuitively obvious to the casual observer that this stuff really works. Just one drop and you’re free from you-know-what. I don’t need it, but I bet YOU do…
And if the Magic CephaloDrops don’t work, RIDE ‘EM! The danger is you gotta break ’em first. Teach ’em to stay on the track.
Mr. Bittman has absolutely no respect for the sentient. He’s just asking for a double-palp smackdown, right square in his crackerbockles.
Ignore the misspelling and the erroneous apostrophe, and the fact that a large octopus could easily kick a moray eel’s ass. It’s still a cool sketch.
Dorset, UK (Strutts News Services) – British scientists on an after-hours bender decided that the world needs to know if octopi are ambidextrous or prefer one tentacle over the rest. The problem was to decide on a procedure.
“If they’re so bloody smart, LET’S GIVE THE SLIMY BASTARDS RUBIK’S CUBES!” blurted one, and after another round of scrumpy, the panel agreed.
Once they recovered from their collective hangovers, they collected 25 octopi and 25 Rubik’s Cubes and let the games begin. Scientist Bonnie Phumph of the Sea Life Centre in Weymouth, Dorset, remarked, “It’ll be very interesting to see the results,” apparently referring to the government research grant money.
No news yet on the success of the cephalopod subjects’ cerebral solutions, although an early leaked report indicates that two of the tentacled brainiacs peeled off the colored labels in frustration, and a third dismantled its Cube and cracked the smaller cubes into fragments.
These folks ain’t got NOTHIN’ on the Lunch Lady, and they’ve got all the food color groups covered, too.
“Please, sir, may I have some urchins?”
“If you don’t eat yer snails, you can’t have any urchins! How can you have any urchins if you don’t eat yer snails?!”