[Found here, crossposted here.]
Category: Gift Ideas
Great Educational Gift Idea: My Cleaning Trolley
Be a Night Janitor just like Mommy! (Note that it says, “Girls Only.”)
Not to worry, though, as there is a related educational toy just for the future Junior Maintenance Manager in your family, called “My Mop, My Bucket and My Squeegee.”
[Found here.]
More Great Gift Ideas (and some are Assorted!)
Wow. I’ve been looking for a dozen assorted Inflatable Snake Swords for years, if only to have a crazy sword fight. If you swing one ISS and miss, the snakehead homes in on and bites your enemy right in the crackerbockles before deflating. Ouch. Crazy.
On the other hand, these Light-Up Expando Swords come with a built-in choking hazard. Swing one at your enemy and it breaks up into little weaponettes that fly screaming right down his/her/its throat. These weapons of mass illumination go for $14.99/dozen, so maybe they’re better for self defense after all, but they’re definitely not assorted.
Foam Swords + Duct Tape are an entirely different class of weaponry, to be covered in a future post. Meanwhile, don’t mess with ANYONE who displays little cows with crescent moons on his/her foam sword sheath. These people are dangerous, and THEY play for keeps.
TV Time
Train to Utoob City, now boarding on Platform Click.
See for yourself why every year more people buy RCA Victor than any other TV.
The most Trusted Name in Television.
THIS is what Television was invented for.
[Image created via effmypic.com.]
Donald Tyler’s Contribution to the World
U.S. Patent No. 7,488,244, filed in April, 2007, by Donald Tyler of Cadiz, KY. Abstract:
“An apparatus for skinning a squirrel that is easily manufactured, portable, quick and in which the apparatus can be mounted to a variety of surfaces. The apparatus comprises a base plate connected to toggle clamp in which the toggle clamp is engaged to press two metal tubes tightly together. The base plate is bent at an angle and secured to a stationary object. The tail of the squirrel is placed in the apparatus in between the two metal tubes and the toggle clamp is engaged to secure the tail. The skin is pulled from the uncut skin of the tail thereby removing the skin from the body in two pieces of skin.”
In other words, it’s a toggle clamp. Very cool.
On the other hand, `Mr. Squirrel® looks like a lot more fun. It comes with TWO attached key rings and a handy braided thong so that The Squirrel Hunter in your family can wear it around his/her neck when not in use. What a deal!
[`Mr. Squirrel® found here. Patent image found here. Patent Abstract here.]
Another Great Gift Idea: TREPANATION!
Great educational game for the hole family. Release the evil spirits, insert the jello, and your Patient’s nose lights up when his demeanor improves!
A traditional cure-all for conservatism, it has its dangers: Be careful! When the vote comes up and the Patient argues against frivolous spending and taxation, guess what? HE’S NOT CURED!
The game continues until each of the evil spirits have been vanquished and the Patient votes for nationalizing the banking industry, the automotive industry, the healthcare industry, runs for congress as a carpetbagger, opposes the NRA and Constitutional Amendments 1, 2 & 4, is coerced to vote CORRECTLY, or until he’s been otherwise completely incapacitated and forced to become a ward of the State himself.
Bonus points are awarded if the Patient joins Greenpeace, the Sierra Club, any union, or supports AGW before becoming incapacitated.
Once the Patient signs on as a democrat the game is over, and it moves to the next level: Change your Patient from a socialist to a marxist! (Requires upgrade to Trepanation 2.0.)
[Found here.]
CD Display FAIL.
Intentional mockery? Yanni? Naw. heh. *snork*
[Found here.]
Tacky Raccoons 
