Category: Raccoon Stuff

OH NOES!

raccoon

TALK TO THE HAND! This is Terrible news!

[Image from here.]

Let’s Get This Party Started!

Ok, for all of you who do not know me, I’m Finicky Penguin, administrator extraordinaire of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Soda, and I only have 3 things to say now…

First off, I have the keys and I’ll gladly pass them to the highest bidder.

Second, once I’m done here, this blog’ll most likely look like this:

Thanks.

Lastly, you all must vote in this poll:

Saturday Bonus: Tacky Raccoon, Sticky Blonde, and BART


Raccoon enters through pet door. Scopes out the kitchen.
Will he go for the cat food? Nah.
Will he go for the dog food? Nope.
This one knows exactly what he wants and knows how to get it.

She’s obviously tech support for Microsoft. (To be honest, I’d prolly be doing the same thing if I hadda work in a cubicle like that.)

Nancy Cartwright’s 2004 interview in Australia.
“I’m Bart Simpson, man. Who the hell are you?”

Happy New Year 2008! A New Century!

bravelilcoon2.jpg

New Year’s resolutions. Hmmm. Good God there are so many to choose from and so many to ignore and reject. Okeh, I got a couple:

I shall endeavor to be more ascerbic.

I shall wake up when I want to, not when electricity tells me to.

I shall quit giving the cat rides in the dryer if it hasn’t gone in there voluntarily, and if it does, I shall provide a blanket to cushion it.

I shall stop complaining about cat hair on my chonis.

I shall personally snag the livers from the huge turkeys my lovely wife purchases only two times a year for the holidays and I shall cook them up with butter and eat them in private without telling anyone.

I shall not feel guilty when I snicker to myself.

I shall briefly consider presidential candidate endorsements from Chuck Norris, Oprah Winfrey, Barbara Streisand, and whatsisface (you know, that guy, the funny one who doesn’t write his own material) and ignore those endorsements altogether as idiocy, and shall vote for a candidate and issues that they do not support.

I shall continue to combat the forces of evil, and shall pay my bills on time, with the understanding that giving in does not equate to surrender.

I shall fart when and where I want to, and not when or where others think I should, because it’s none of their business, and it’s completely out of their control anyway.

I shall relieve stress, in the aforementioned way, and other ways that I’m not inclined to let you in on.

Those are way too many resolutions for me, but I’ll keep them… to myself.

Wish y’all and yours a prosperous New Year from Tacky Raccoons.

–Your Pal, Bunk.

[Image from here via here.]

Finally a Raccoon Banner

Middle of the night. Tired. You just passed through the woods from Gramma’s house, and crossed over the river. You see him in your headlights. He’s there, standing in the middle of the road. He dares you to hit him, knowing that your wife and kids are in the car, not quite asleep. You slowly brake to a stop, wondering what to do next. Defiance charges the air with electrical impulses unseen in the damp humid darkness, felt only by the hairs on your unshaven back. You can’t back down, yet you recoil after coiling. That haunting apparition…

[Good God. Will Someone PLEASE finish this in the Comments Section? Otherwise it’s just gonna get worse, and I don’t wanna take responsibility for what might happen next.]

[Image source here, via Your Daily Awesome.]