Category: Retro & Vintage
The 2014 Winter Hot Links
How to make a wooden Viking beer mug with a hatchet and a knife. I’d use the rawhide method.
Better yet – how to scout and set up a whiskey still in the hills of Appalachia. The late Popcorn Sutton is his own live narrator on this 96 minute video, entitled, “This Is The Last Damn Likker Run I’ll Ever Make.” Take the time to watch it.
Interesting comparative photo essay of differing people of the U.S.
Large Brass Industrial Man Template is a great title for that post.
The True Story of The Simpsons.
Ohio State School For The Blind Marching Band accompanied the OSU Marching Band for “script Ohio” September 2013.
Amy Oops has free tickets for something. Go for it.
Top image refers to this story. KGB, NSA, what’s the difference.
Saturday Matinee – Snow Prank, Doobie Brothers, Allman Brothers & Jay Leno
For those without boots, we salute you.
Doobie Brothers. Look how they danced around on stage back then. How could such good music become so embarrassing? Fortunately most of us only heard them on FM and 8-Track and never saw their awesome stage performance.
Speaking of performances, this one goes out to Jay Leno, one of the funniest modern comedians who never had to use vulgarity to score a laugh. He’s right up there with Johnny Carson, Jonathan Winters and Bill Cosby. I never met Leno, but some friends did. Each said essentially the same thing: “Jay’s an honest nice guy, and he’s funny as hell.” That’s how I want to be remembered when I’m gone. Leno’s still alive.
Sorry, but I can’t bring myself to post any of the more recent poor quality sucky sounding live versions of “Sweet Melissa.” God bless you, Jay, and thanks for all the entertainment.
Have a great weekend, folks.
“Where Do We Go From Here?” Real Life Jenga.
Saturday Matinee – Portuguese Man O’ War, Bonanza, David Rose & The Beat Farmers
[Vid found here.]
The Portuguese Man O’ War is amazing, as it’s not a single animal, but a colony of several bizarre organisms, all dependent on the others for survival. One provides transportation, one lures and traps food, one processes it, one cooks, and the other one does laundry and runs the blog.
The harmless gasbag idiot-animal floats while dangling his nasty stinging-tentacled buddies as deep as 160 feet below the surface. How they find each other and decide to hang together is a mystery to me, unless it has something to do with cheap beer, tasers and fraternity parties.
I saw one washed up on a beach when I was a kid without knowing what it was – thought it was an inflatable toy dolphin with seaweed attached. Yeah, I poked it with a stick, and yeah, I found out what the insides of a Portuguese Man O’ War smelled like, as did everyone else within a quarter mile downwind.
When the floating-gasbag idiot-animal washes up on shore and dies, it takes the other idiot-animals with him, and they can’t do anything about it because their free ride is over. Such is the life of a sycophant.
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Okay, bear with me on this next one. Remember the classic 1959-1973 TV show “Bonanza?” Here’s The instrumental TV theme (with opening credits).
The missus informed me that there were words to that great theme, and she’s right. The closing credits for the early episodes included “The Cartwrights” singing the theme (after apparently stumbling out of a saloon/cat house joint venture in Carson City) and mounting up to pick fights with and wreak havoc on the local populace before they rode back to their fortified enclave known as The Ponderosa:
[Little Joe] I’ve got a flair for women everywhere, Bonanza!
[Hoss] BONANZA! ¡AI-AI-AI!
[All] I’m gonna call on any gal at all, she’s gonna welcome me.
[Ben] I’m not afraid of any pretty maid, Bonanza!
BONANZA!
When I give a kiss to any pretty miss,
She’ll learn a lot from me!
[All] One for four, four for one
This we guarantee!
We got a right to pick a little fight – Bonanza!
BONANZA!
If anyone fights any one of us,
He’s gotta fight with me!
BTW, the best comment on that Utoobage link was posted by someone named 75yellowraven:
“144-441 what does that mean?”
The lyrics and acting were so laughably absurd that the clip was canned. Years later Lorne Greene sang the song with much different lyrics: Lorne Greene singing The Theme To Bonanza.
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But that’s not the weird part. The Bonanza Theme was orchestrated by David Rose, same guy who composed “The Stripper,” a number of TV theme songs, and this horrible piece of 1960s grocery aisle music:
Bet you couldn’t last the whole two-point-five minutes of that, so here’s almost a whole hour of The Beat Farmers circa 1984, featuring the late Country Dick Montana on drums, vocals, beer and belligerence.
Hope that grabs on, holds and squeezes you for this edition of The Saturday Matinee. Have a great weekend, even if you have to mow the snow.
P.S. If you ever wanted to sing along to The Chips‘ “Rubber Biscuit” we’ve got the Complete & Accurate day down sum wanna jigga-wah lyrics here.
15 Wieners
“Say there, young fellow, let’s go divvies!” says the ad.
Sounds like a predatory skinny-dipping proposal to me, or maybe it’s a way to get Boy Freckles to wash up in the retention basin so the hot dogs don’t smell like a 14-year-old boy’s armpits. Maybe he’ll lose those lens-less dork frames at the same time.
Instead, I’d tell him, “Now hold ’em all real still, boy. Here comes the chili, and it’s kinda hot.”
Great Banner.
Click the image to see it in big awesome.
It screams GET OUTTA MY WAY BUTTHEAD.
Paleofuture is a great site. Pure unadulterated retro.
Swingers
[Found here.]
You Go First.
[Found here.]
Saturday Matinee – Brownsville Station, Ozark Mountain Daredevils, The Bart Walker Band & The Black Lillies
Three-man bands have to rock, and Brownsville Station had a crankin’ hit in 1973 with “Smokin’ In The Boys’ Room” and were never heard from again (until Mötley Crüe did a crappy cover in 1985).
Ozark Mountain Daredevils‘ “If You Wanna Get To Heaven” was a hit in 1974, even though the harmonica tag could be played by a 6 year old. Hard to understand how they followed up that decent 70s country rock anthem with “Jackie Blue,” but the music industry moguls sucked big ‘ol honkin’ donkeys back then. (Come to think of it, they still do and I’ve hated pop music ever since.)
Never heard of these guys until the missus started laughing – at the audience. Hot stuff by The Bart Walker Band.
This starts out as early morning cross-country roadtrip music from The Black Lillies and it rolls from there.
Have a great weekend, folks. We’ll do something stupid tomorrow.
Tacky Raccoons 