Stupid – Page 155 – Tacky Raccoons

I was back from college on Easter break. The Weasel and I were cruising the southwestern Ohio sticks with a 12-pack, talking trash and listening to 8-track tapes when nature called. I pulled my ‘57 Chevy into a dark parking lot behind an elementary school and stopped.

Before we were out of the car, headlights flashed from the other end of the parking lot and rushed toward us as another car skidded to a stop just behind, blocking us in. The police ordered us out of the car at gunpoint.

Suddenly we didn’t have to pee so bad — we had to pee worse.

Shining a flashlight around the inside of the car (and spotting only the beer) the cop remarked that there were no rocks or baseball bats. Seems that there had been some vandalism at the school, and the police were staking it out.

We explained why we were there, that we’d just stopped to take a leak. The officer said something I’ll never forget: “To go driving around with a friend and having a few beers is okay.”

And with that, he let us go.

[Image from here.]

Now More Than Ever, The New and Improved Cutting Edge Wave of the Future Tacky Raccoons Store is Officially Open!

This is blogwhoring at its worst, but it’s blogwhoring in the good sense of the word, and just in time for the Holidays. A simple click on either image will take you to the Official Cutting Edge Wave of the Future New and Improved Now More Than Ever Tacky Raccoons Store for almost all your clothing and caffeine container needs. After all, it’s for the children, and the awesome design is awesome.

Too Many Things Are Wrong Here.

Hmm. Exposed in an unfinished particleboard Kybo with a tile floor, wearing a bikini under her clothes, hiding behind empty beer bottles, surrounded by cases of Lucky Light, and, um, well, I dunno, Babs, but it sure looks like Texas to me. I can’t even guess what’s in the box to her left.

What’s really odd is that I found this image on a Russian website.

[Image found in here. Some NSFW/NSFK.]

This Is Only A Test.

Fellow Netizens, my friend Cbullitt of Soylent Green alerted me to an internet-wide blog protest in response to the Censorship of the cable cartoon show “South Park.” The image above, with permission from the designer Chris Muir, is scheduled to show up throughout the blogosphere at midnight tonight. Cbullitt wrote:

“I’m not an artist or Cartoonist, but Chris Muir is and Trey Parker and Matt Stone are. And Theo Van Gough was. Muir, whose work you see above, obviously does not ascribe to the dictum displayed in the cowardice of Comedy Central, the EU, and the U.S. Government under the last four administrations, namely: Feeding the crocodile in hopes that it will eat you last.”

To be truthful, I’ve never seen an episode of “South Park” although I understand its popularity due to its irreverent humor. The recent imposition of domestic sharia law on the writers of “South Park” for a joke involving the Prophet Muhammed is inexcusable in the Land of the Free and the Home of the First Amendment.

Let’s celebrate our First Amendment Rights before we lose them. Continue reading “This Is Only A Test.”

Hot Links Я Us

Trivia: Sluggo had a dual role in Ernie Bushmiller‘s “Nancy” comics. He played himself as well as Nancy’s Aunt Fritzi.

WWII in Facebook.

Ken Nordine’s got a website… Last updated July 2006.

There be some funny in the comments section here. [Tip o’ the Tarboosh to Wheels for the link.]

Acme Corporation was sued for product defects. Writ of litigation may be viewed here.

This made me laff and laff and laff.

Is Snopes for real? Click here to find out.

Gorilla suits from the past: great article here.

“Curta” is an awesome mechanical calculator designed by a POW in WWII. More retro calculators at the home page.

DJ Scratchmo for Hire

DJ Scratchmo has a wide variety of music compiled on eleven 45rpm records for all your party needs. Well dressed and well mannered, reasonable rates. No website, no email, no cell phone, no way to contact him whatsoever.

[Found here.]

A Hurling Player Lives Here.

Don’t know the ancient Irish game? It’s a brutal combination of football, soccer, rugby, field hockey, baseball, jai alai and golf, traditionally played without pads or helmets and the best players have facial scars and are usually missing teeth. Since 1 January 2010 helmets are required at all levels. Spoilsports.

The goal is to get the silotar (a hardball about the size of a cue ball) over or under the goalposts with a hurley (an oversized wooden spoon) by throwing it, tossing it up and batting it, carrying it on the hurley while running, or driving it down the pitch with an underhand smack.

A team gets one point for getting it over and through the uprights, and three points if it gets it past the goal keeper into the net underneath the goal posts.

If you ever get a chance to see a hurling match, you’re in for some fun, and you HAVE to watch the game or you risk serious injury from speeding silotars and sharp flying broken hurleys. Tip your ale only between plays.

[Top image found here. More info on Hurley here.]

Housebreaking Your Annelid

As with any pet, the first rule is to be firm and consistent with training, and remember that rewards generally work better than punishment.

Reward your annelid when it behaves well. Fill up the bathtub with damp (not wet) newspaper and coffee grounds for your annelid to explore. They love it!

Express your displeasure as soon as possible when your annelid misbehaves so that it connects its actions with your disapproval.

Do not yell at your annelid as they cannot hear. Stomp your feet instead. In severe cases of disobedience, keep a salt shaker nearby.

If your annelid leaves castings about the house, lock your pet in a brightly lit room for 10-15 minutes after rubbing your annelid’s nose in it. Dispose of the castings in the garden. Once your pet makes the connection between in-house castings and bright light, the number of “accidents” should diminish.

When your annelid learns to moosh at the door to go out to leave castings, reward it when it returns by allowing it to explore any dark damp space, like that puddle next to the sump drain in the basement.

Above all, be patient. Properly trained and cared for, your annelid should live 10 years or more; otherwise you’ll find it dead and dried up on the sidewalk and all the love and affection will be gone. Enjoy!

[Top image found here.]

Saturday Matinee – Tea Party, Neil Innes, Johnny Cash, Eddie Cochran, Weird Al

The Tea Party protesters are really getting out of hand. Here’s footage from 20 March 2010 in Washington D.C.
[Update: Oop. My mistake. Those aren’t Tea Party people.]