Category: New Snot

Johann Tetris – 1928-2009

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Cartersville, GA  (Strutts News Services) – Even in an economic downturn, many businesses flourish. Tetris Constructions is one of them. Regardless, Johann “Joe” Tetris died yesterday afternoon of natural causes, succumbing to HSB.  HSB is known to laymen as “He Stopped Breathing.”

Johann Tetris 1993 TED Convention (Strutts News Services Archive Photo)
Johann Tetris at 1993 TED Conference (Strutts News Services Archive Photo)

TC founder Tetris was born into poverty but not by choice.  He’d intended to be born into wealth, but those dreams were squelched by economic forces beyond his control.  Ever since birth, Tetris fought to rise above the dirt-floor/waxed-paper windows of his childhood to create one of the most lasting icons of the “Information Age.”  That icon would be Tetris Constructions.

Tetris’ work is recobanized throughout the civilized world as cutting edge modular construction:  fast paced, low cost, rarely finished, but in Tetris’ own inimitable iconic style.

Some call it brutal. Others are both alarmed and enthralled at the possibilities and potentials of the breakneck speed of real-time design, combined with the willy-nilly construction system that Tetris Constructions promotes.

The TC motto sums it up: “We Build Faster than an Honest European Lunchbreak.”  Johann Tetris will be missed by many, but his legacy endures.

– Janessa Vapors (Strutts News Services)

[Found here.]

Tweety Bird Dead at 67

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Palm Springs, California (Strutts News Services) – Long admired yet not forgotten, Robert “Tweety Bird” Balderstien passed away at the age of 67 at his ranch home in Palm Desert, Southern California.

Robert Svenson Balderstien, hatched in 1942 in Suffolk, Massachusetts, by immigrant parents, adapted to the stage early, despite his hydrocephelitic condition. Contrary to popular belief, his medical condition did not cause his speech impediment, and for years he battled the stereotype.

Balderstien also rejected the contention that he was female, and fought the resulting insinuations and innuendos all his life before retiring in seclusion in Palm Desert, California.

sylvester-tweety“I never said, ‘I tawt I taw a puddy tat.’  I have perfect enunciation, but Warner Brothers chose to overdub my voice, and I was stuck with it ever since.”

Longtime friend and companion, Sylvester The Cat, also of Palm Desert, gave a touching eulogy that ended with, “Yeah.  I’ll mith him the motht. He alwayth thought he thaw me, and motht timeth he motht thertainly did.”

[Image from here.  Related obituary here.]

The Calvinball Sports Complex

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Hobbesville, North Carolina (Strutts News Services) – The importance of the coin toss increases a googlefold in the Calvinball Arena, but is negated by the hydraulics that control the field allowing line judges to place competing bets while manipulating field conditions, including windstorms and artificial rain.  All players may or may not be line judges, and there may be as many line judges as players, including none.  Every player is a referee and may interpret any other referee’s call while placing bets with the line judges. Video review is frequently used for re-interpretation of The Rules without stopping play.

For more on Calvinball, Mentalfloss has a pretty good description with links.

[Image from here.]

New Age Hair

nosehairOccasionally our esteemed web miners at Tacky Raccoons run short of post ideas due to prior commitments and responsibilities (like, um, well, other important stuff.)  When we run out of unique post images or topics, we resort to a simple parlor trick:  Google an image of a random word,  see what pops up,  and exploit it for pennies on the dollar.  (You wanna see LEDs on sheep? You won’t find it here. We don’t play the viral game.)

Today we’re talking new age hair.*

As we age, our bodies change in ways we only laughed about in grade school.  A few long eyebrow hairs are kinda cool, but ear hair is not.  Nor is the onslaught of middle age nose hair.  I have all three.

Fortunately, modern technology provides the answer for two-thirds of them, and the vacuum abhorred by nature is filled by this wonderful creation:

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Be forewarned that if you use this appliance for ear hair, it will change your eye color as well as the color and pattern of your shirt.

For sale here at the low price of $5.99 (unfortunately no used ones are listed.)  Get one for each nostril for only $11.98 plus snipping and handling.  An optional stainless steel flail attachment is available to grind out the crusties.

Not for use as a unowot, regardless of crusties.

[Image found here. Nose Hair Opinion Poll results here.] Continue reading “New Age Hair”

28 MARCH 8:30PM – PARTY LIKE IT’S 2009

Earth Hour – Let’s celebrate!

At 8:30PM tonight, make sure you turn all your lights on, power up your TVs and stereos, and celebrate the Technological Achievements of Humanity.  Get in your cars and drive somewhere, just for the sake of it, and just for fun.  Raise and lower your garage doors, and run your washing machines.  Run the dryer without anything in it.  Got a power mower? Crank it up.  Heat up your cat’s food  in the microwave.  Take your dog out to Burger King.  Make as many long distance telephone calls as you can.  Run your dishwasher with half of the normal load, and run the other half separately.  Open up your refrigerator door, and look without removing anything to eat.  Do it again.  Download updates for all your computer programs and email them to all your friends.

LET’S CELEBRATE AMAZING ACHIEVEMENTS FOR A CHANGE!

“But why should I do that?” you ask.  I’ll tell you.

We’re fighting Global Cooling.  Mostly we’re fighting Global Idiocy, but let’s call it Global Cooling for now.  The feel-good crowd will never know the difference anyway.

Those folks who think that turning their electricity off for an hour will “save the planet” (or “send a message” to someone or something) are the same folks who stood outside their homes a couple of years ago with candle wax dripping over their fingers, believing that the space shuttle was gonna zoom by and take a photo of the earth lit up with peace candles.  My message is:

PUT YOUR LIGHTS ON!

YAY

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Coupla things made my day recently.  Two weeks ago my home computer incompletely crashed due to an incomplete installation of a WidNows update.  Undoing the installation didn’t help, neither did rebooting in safe mode to run the ineffectual WidNows reset program.  Manually uninstalling the corrupt update changed nothing and I was left with a crawling computer… but at least it could still access the internest.

Avanquest’s Fix-It Utilities saved me by allowing me to bypass WidNows and undo what WidNows wouldn’t.  After trying a variety of combinations, SOMETHING GOT FIXED!  I highly recommend Fix-It Utilities for emergency repairs.  Honest unpaid testimony.

But my HP scanner still wouldn’t work, due to a corrupted WidNows install file.  Reinstalling the driver didn’t take, even in Safe Mode.  Uninstalling and reinstalling twice, did.  I’m mystified, but happy.

BUT THAT’S NOT THE BEST NEWS.   I beat the traffic caused by Obama’s motorcade (with a half dozen military helicoptor escort) in time to find out that I won a cool caption contest prize from Reforming Geek.

Made my day.

HOT NEWS FLASH: Global Warming Was Stopped In Its Slimy Little Tracks in 1998

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Washington D.C. (Strutts News Services) – Global warming came to a screeching halt for the sweaty huddling masses that converged upon our nation’s capitol on Wednesday, 4 March 2009 (ironically a day after Microsoft issued its Service Pack 3 update that froze the computers here at TR HQ).

According to one source found via Drudge:

“Global warming activists stormed Washington Monday for what was billed as the nation’s largest act of civil disobedience to fight climate change — only to see the nation’s capital virtually shut down by a major winter storm.

Schools and businesses were shuttered, lawmakers cancelled numerous appearances and the city came to a virtual standstill as Washington was blasted with its heaviest snowfall of the winter.

It spelled about six inches of trouble for global warming activists who had hoped to swarm the Capitol by the thousands in an effort to force the government to close the Capitol Power Plant, which heats and cools a number of government buildings, including the Supreme Court and the Capitol.

The snowy scene, with temperatures in the mid-20s, was reminiscent of a day in January 2004, when Al Gore made a major address on global warming in New York — on one of the coldest days in the city’s history.

Protest organizers said about 2,500 people braved the blizzard to oppose greenhouse gas emissions, but the shroud of snow wasn’t the only wet blanket in the nation’s capital Monday.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who called on the architect of the Capitol to stop burning coal at the power plant last week, cancelled her appearance at the rally because her flight to Washington was cancelled.

Michelle Obama canned a public “Read Across America” event and HUD Secretary Shaun Donovan canceled a meeting with the Democratic Caucus because the members of Congress couldn’t get to D.C. An honor cordon at the Pentagon for Afghanistan’s defense minister also had to be called off.

Some protesters couldn’t make it as dozens of flights in the area were delayed or called off, and some couldn’t face the dangerous roads or blustery weather, leaving hundreds safe, if sorry, back at home.”

Let’s sum this up:

Due to the freezing temperatures, civil disobediancers could not be civilly disobedient;  Vandals weren’t able to vandalize the HVAC systems serving many buildings employing thousands of people; Members of congress suddenly became invisible; Nancy Pelosi thinks the Architect of the Capitol shovels coal; Michelle Obama couldn’t read due to the cold; HUD couldn’t formulate more plans for taxpayer-funded housing, and Afganistan’s defense minister is all humpy because he was snubbed.

Meanwhile Al Gore reluctantly admitted that meteorologists and other climate scientists are not credible on the topic of global warming, as none of the nay-sayers have government research funding, and none have served as vice president in any country, province or protectorate.

Pheew.

[Image from here. Related globaloids and stuff here.]

Decaying Orbit Dooms Space Station

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Randolph WI (Strutts News Services) –  All orbits decay over time, which means that satellites can fall, and France’s  Maison de L’orbite space station is no exception.

The experimental prototype, built in the early 1960’s and launched last April, officially brought France into the Space Age with little fanfare.  Presently orbiting at 500 feet, it’s orbit is decaying at the rate of 2.7 inches per day, and is expected to return to earth sometime in 2015.

[Image from here via here.]

Mad Rectangular Prism Hornets

bzzzt

YouTomb is a MIT project that tracks deleted YouTube videos and lists the companies that deleted them. [Via Cool Aggregator.]

The Godfather.  Script here.

“Are we there yet?” [Via Woosk.]

Manual of Traffic Signs: W16 Series.

Blatent advertisment:
Need a sexy voice for ads?  Check out Mrs. Strutts’ ex-sister-in-law’s website.

Speaking of voices, Paul Harvey is an American treasure.  I wasn’t aware that he was still broadcasting until Strider found these links.

Very cool collection of photos of ospreys fishing here.

Wanna play with a spider?  Go on and click.

Crooked Brains has lots of cool zippers.

Proud of your handwriting? Turn it into a Font! [via RGF.]

Mira a Pegajoso Mapaches.  Es un sitio web  excelente.

Mad Rectangular Prism Hornets.  Greatest phrase ever coined.

Obama’s Army

APTOPIX India Obama Inauguration Global Reax

We want the world and we want it now.  More globes, please.

[Image from VE.]