The great minds of the marketing department at Volkswagon have come up with this dealie. The idea is that you plug in your picture, and that of your spouse, and it shows you what your offspring will look like, all animated in the back seat of a VW something. Very odd, but here’s the link:
We at Tacky Raccoons took a test drive on this bizarre concept, just to see how it would run. Here are the results:
Experiment No. 1: Sarah Palin & John McCain
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Experiment No. 2: Joe Biden & Barrack Obama
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Experiment No. 3: Marilyn Monroe & Bunk Strutts
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Results: A pairing between a dead sex symbol and a live possum appears to result in better looking progeny than those of the other candidates, and if I say any more, I’m just gonna get in trouble with the lovely Mrs. Strutts who’s holding a hot skillet and asking me what the hell I’m doing. Gotta go. Talk amongst yourselves…
Wilmington, Delaware (Strutts News Services) – According to an amazing number of news sources, Joe Biden was nominated earlier today as Obama’s VP because he’s “stared down dictators” according to Barack Obama.
I imagine he did it just like this guy, and dictators all over the world collectively lost control of their bowels and changed their governments to democratically elected representative republics.
The world is a safer place because of Senator Joe Biden.
[UPDATE: Strutts News Services reports 19,500 hits for a google search of “Joe Biden stared down dictators.” Name one dictator that Biden “stared down” and the results of that stare down. The world is waiting.]
Here’s TACKY RACCOON’s Very First Post from 3 August 2007. I didn’t know what I was doing at the time, and I’m still not entirely sure that I know now.
The image of the laughing (?) raccoon is from (appropriately enough) SayNoToCrack, Anita Bath’s original clean humor website. She got me started on all this absurdity, then I stepped in it and tracked it all over the carpet.
Thanks gobs for all your encouragement, help, and stuff, and especially for all y’alls comments and linkoids. Do we keep on keepin’ on?
In no particular rank or order, thanks to Anita Bath, Ben Dover, sarahenity, Diesel, Miss Cellanea, Marshal Penguin, Alpaca the Awesome, Angry Duck, M.Wolfe, SpartanWolf, VE, raincoaster, Phil Cordery, Amy Oops, Casual Jan, archiearch, Dan Rockhopper, Kitty, PlaneTross, Tony, SinisterDan, Bobby Bieber, yellowjkt, Janessa Vapors, Slippy Lane, Wendy, Dolph, Bonnie Phumph, suchabastard, Gregoire, Necromancer, Lannie Foosers, Cheese Duck, S. Le, Pete Aldin, Tooncie Crumbler, Queen Rosebud, The Hypocritical One, Valdoor, kanadianbakin, Fake, Howlin’ Betty, tbonky, Damon, Chiqui, Jody Foster, Robert Foster, Foster Brooks, Albert Brooks, Lonnie Brooks, Brook Shields, Cheesy007, Shar Pei, Kung Pao, Chez Yuan, Stiletto, Walter C., and way too many others to name…
Like James S., Wheels, nothere, Pancho Opcionweb, Rickspoems, Feng, Cornel, jah, sandy, Weird, Tanja Forster, osa glass, Courtney M., Mishele, Jack, Ben Vereen, Fluffman86, Nick Adams, Monique, wrekehavoc, Vincent Castro, tara, James, KFC Rules, Saha, Layla, indianamatt, hustler 1, Fritz, DUDR_1, Beeper, BB King, Albert King, Albert Alligator, Albert Ammons, Meade Lux Lewis, Philip Johnson, Robert Johnson, Johnny Johnson, Chuck Berry, Haile Berry, Barry Mann, Barry Goldwater, Chuck Norris, the Captain and Toenail, Walt Kelly, Kelly Blue-Book, Booker T., Mr. & Mrs. T, T-Bone Walker, Johnny Walker, Walker Texas Ranger, Jim Baldwin, johnrobert,Frankie, jayle, Tarlow, Elle, Butch, Sue Dunham, ineedacar, GH, Mark, Moon, l3utterfish, Moneymoose, tarbabyjim, RosebudDLS, Meg, minotaurny, B Dear, Jeff, anomalous4, Criss Angle, Reuben Miller, fenderflip, Alex, Nessa, Trailer Thoughts, Haus Cremlingen, Girl Fren, Jayne, Lee, Gumpy Weeblers, and the very first commenter on this website, BOSSY.
Thanks also to Eoin Shaloo for helping me with my irrational and compulsive research for this post.
Dorset, UK (Strutts News Services) – British scientists on an after-hours bender decided that the world needs to know if octopi are ambidextrous or prefer one tentacle over the rest. The problem was to decide on a procedure.
“If they’re so bloody smart, LET’S GIVE THE SLIMY BASTARDS RUBIK’S CUBES!” blurted one, and after another round of scrumpy, the panel agreed.
Once they recovered from their collective hangovers, they collected 25 octopi and 25 Rubik’s Cubes and let the games begin. Scientist Bonnie Phumph of the Sea Life Centre in Weymouth, Dorset, remarked, “It’ll be very interesting to see the results,” apparently referring to the government research grant money.
No news yet on the success of the cephalopod subjects’ cerebral solutions, although an early leaked report indicates that two of the tentacled brainiacs peeled off the colored labels in frustration, and a third dismantled its Cube and cracked the smaller cubes into fragments.
[Image and original story from here. Related posts here, here and here.]
Lengua Chucha, Mexico (Strutts News Services) – Standing a mere 6-inches tall at the withers, this lil’ pup was hatched a few days after his momma lost interest and wandered from the nest. Finding an open cache of Cheetos that had washed up on the beachhead, lil’ pup was found chowing down on the fluorescent orange morsels.
Since then he’s been moved to a foster shelter, where his diet has been augmented with Big Macs and Super Size Fries, and he is expected to reach 2,500 lbs. (average weight for his age) by the end of the month. Way to go, Lil’ Pup!
DARVAZ’ HELLFIRE Soviets found an earth fart and lit it.
Uzbekistan, Ukraine – (Strutts News Services)
According to various reports, a massive gas vent was discovered and subsequently ignited in 1973 by Soviet geologists in search of other stuff. Some sources indicate that the global flatulence may have been ignited earlier than was initially reported. From the amazing website English Russian:
“This place in Uzbekistan is called by locals “The Door to Hell”. It is situated near the small town of Darvaz. The story of this place lasts already for 35 years. Once the geologists were drilling for gas. Then suddenly during the drilling they have found an underground cavern, it was so big that all the drilling site with all the equipment and camps got deep deep under the ground. None dared to go down there because the cavern was filled with gas. So they ignited it so that no poisonous gas could come out of the hole, and since then, it’s burning, already for 35 years without any pause. Nobody knows how many tons of excellent gas has been burned for all those years but it just seems to be infinite there.”
Local immigrant resident Joey “Boris” Catawba summed it up. “I’ve lived here for almost 10 years. Everything always smells like burnt cheese and vinegar. Someone should do something. This really sucks.”
Apparently, there’s a Russian holiday, where veterans of the Frontier Guard (looks to me to be about a dozen of ’em) get to cavort in fountains and drink lots and lots of vodka. Like this guy:
“ARE—YOU—READY—–TO RHUMBA?!”
No doubt about it. Russkies know how to party. AARRRRRRGGGGGHHH!!
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Tacky Raccoons 