Category: Humor

One Step Beyond: A Very Serious Emergency Exit

“Hello, Ma’am. May I help you?”

“Yes, I’m here to sign up for ObamaCare because my insurance carrier dropped me.”

“I can help you with that, but I need some information first. I need your age, weight, height, current medical status and your Social Security ID card with an ID.”

“Here’s my card and my driver’s license. I’m 67, 5′-7″, 210 lbs., diabetic, smoker, varicose veins, and have high blood pressure.”

“Do you drink alcohol?”

“All I can get.”

“Do you own a firearm?”

“What? Yes I do. For self defense.”

“Huh. Are you aware that ObamaCare provides free contraceptives and coverage for pregnancy?

“I’ve had a hysterectomy.”

“That doesn’t matter, because you’ll still be covered just in case. Who did you vote for in the last presidential election?”

“What does that have to do with medical insurance?”

“I’m sorry, Ma’am, but I need that information to process your enrollment.”

“I voted for Mitt Romney.”

“Okay. I’ve got your info entered and it looks like you qualify for ObamaCare Plan 9.
Please proceed down the hall to Waiting Room 2, Door 314, and an ObamaCaregiver will be with you shortly. Have a nice day.”

ObamaCare Exit

What a bizarre nightmare of bureaucratic fascism Obamacare has become. It has nothing to do with so-called “affordable health care” because it’s more insidious than that. Look beyond the facade of the ObamaCare website fiasco, and there’s nothing but expensive darkness, economic gloom, substandard medical care and more.

Make no mistake, the aging “baby boomer” generation, those of us born between 1946 and 1964, are the targets, because we’re old enough to remember atrocities perpetrated by the Left here and abroad. ObamaCare is just another vehicle designed to erase the past in order to promote a radical leftist agenda, and it’s got lethal teeth.

People still wonder how mass murderers like Lenin, Stalin, Mao, Hitler, Ho Chi Minh & Pol Pot came to power and killed off millions of their own people. We’re witnessing the same process today, via a clever but insidious program known as ObamaCare, and that’s not hyperbole. If ObamaCare is fully enacted, the Missus and I will suffer, but I worry for my kids who will suffer more, because they won’t know why.

Teach Your Children Well.

[Image found here. Related snarky post here.]

Northern Arboreal Dogfish

Northern Arboreal Dogfish Northern Arboreal Dogfish 2

“I’ve found a three. On the three it hang a head. A head of a fairly large fish. In the fish heads mouth it were two other, smaller dead fishes.”

[Found here. Click to enlarge images.]

8:9:10 11/12/13

8 9 10 11 12 13

Hour: Minute: Second; Month/Day/Year
Cool Date/time numerical convergence.

Insta-Tan

Insta-Tan

According to some venues these days, everyone hates being born white, so here’s the solution. Flick the Zippo, fire up the burner, and whammo.
Instant tan. Guaranteed to turn your hair black, too.

[Found in here.]

Don’t Sit Under The Argan Tree

Goats In A Tree

These goats live in a small region in southwestern Morocco where the Argan tree grows. Although the region is semi-arid desert and there’s fodder elsewhere, they love argan berries. They’re goat candy. Since the goats can’t reach them from the ground, they learned to climb Argan trees.

But that’s not the weird part.

When the goats poop, local women pick out the hard undigested nuts, crack them, extract the seeds, mash and grind them up, and produce argan oil – all by hand. It gets stranger: only women are allowed to do it.

Women […] run the entire industry, which is an incredible fact considering that Morocco is a rather patriarchal society. Only women are taught to make argan oil, and they are the sole gatekeepers to the centuries-old method. Much of the country’s oil is made in cooperatives that allow women the opportunity to work and make money independently [via].

Then they rub it on their faces, put it in their hair or eat it. TRUE.

But take this story a step further, and it becomes downright astounding. One sunny day, hundreds of years ago, some Berber women figured it out:

“Hey, Fatima! Bouchra! I found some goat crap under a tree. I bet there’s something in it that we can eat AND wear. Whaddya think? Don’t tell the guys.”

And the rest is history. But wait. There’s more:

The Berbers were the same people that produced Berber carpets, and had a hand in producing purple dye from seashells – the color of Roman Royalty. It’s also interesting to note that a large percentage of Berbers were Jews, Christians and Animists before those sects were marginalized by Islam in the 7th Century. The Barbary pirates were Islamic Berbers, thrived in the world-wide slave trade, and the word “barbarian” has etymological roots to the Berbers as well.

Goats-trees-berries-poop-cosmetics-food-Morocco-Berbers-carpet-purple-Islam-pirates-slavery-barbarians. What a connection, and it all began with Goats In Trees.

Fun Facts To Know And Tell.

[Image found here. Somewhat related post here.]

Saturday Matinee – Moto-X Baby, Hugh Maskela, Big Joe Turner & Muddy Waters

Apparently this dates from the 1990 or so, and predates the Internet as we know it. [Source found here.]

“Excuse Me Baby Please” by Hugh Maskela 2007(?) featuring high school friend Morris Goldberg on sax. Maskela’s better known in the U.S. for his 1968 hit “Grazing In The Grass.”

“Baby Please Don’t Go.” Big Joe Williams was the first to record it in 1935, and it’s been covered by many bands since, both in blues and rock. Here’s Williams’ solo version, live, on 9-string guitar. We may have posted this one before, but so what. We probably posted the next one as well.

Muddy Waters‘ live version of the same song, featuring James Cotton on harmonica, in Chicago 22 November 1981. It’s a classic performance, then some friends showed up to make it awesome.That’s a wrap for this edition of The Saturday Matinee.

Have a great weekend, folks, and don’t forget VETERANS DAY. EVER.

The .Gif Friday Post No.305 – Shut Up No You Shut Up Kittens, RoombaCat & CatPong

Shut Up No You Shut Up

Cat RoombaZone

catpong

[Found here, here and here, H/t dwells38 for the 3rd one.]

Koalahead WIN/FAIL

Creepy Koala

If this guy shows up at the Halloween party, I’m outta there.

[Found here.]

Just Do It. Eat A Live Duckling. Raw.

Eat A Duck

Yeah, and do it while sitting next to a box of high explosives and a witness.

Okay, There are no explosives in that box. It’s a collector’s item with connections to the American Revolution, and Pierre Samuel DuPont in particular. If you’re ever near Wilmington Delaware, the tour of the DuPont gunpowder factory is awesome, It’s 18th century water-powered technology, and yeah, it’s the origin of the company of the same name.

[Found here.]

Atari Meets Foghat

Atari + Foghat

This is creepy as hell. What did they do with Mom?

[Found here. Related post here.]