Category: Humor

Kirk vs. T vs. Norris: Battle of the Titans (Part 2)

Mr. T., heh. There’s no one quite like the T-man, but that’s not what this post is about. It’s about whether or not he could take out Captain Kirk and Chuck Norris. Tough assignment, to be sure.

T’s strong points:

He don’ take no jibba-jabba from no foo. Kirk takes jibba-jabba from foos, and so does Norris. No one really knows what Mr. T does with that jibba-jabba, and since he don’t take none, my guess is he be give it back right away.

Secondly, he’s got little South Vietnamese flags stitched into his denim vest thingy. Neither Jim nor Chuck could pull that off without embarrassing criticism.

3rd advantage: Mr. T has more merchandise on the market than Kirk and Norris combined. (To keep this a fair competirion, generic “Star Trek” stuff doesn’t count. Has to be Captain Kirk paraphernalia.) There is so much T stuff that I can’t name them all, as they include cartoons, “T” shirts, posters, metal lunch boxes, crayons, cookie jars, bathtub toys, breakfast cereal, toothpaste, socks, underwear, baby spoons, floor wax and snow tires.

Yeah, I know he can punch sharks, but so could Fonzi. Cheez.

Strong suit: Well, HE IS MR. T. He’s got serious in-your-face attitude, and could conceivably turn it up to 11 when facing Kirk or Norris, and get them to back down without throwing a punch.

Mr. T is clearly the winner in the merchandise category. He’s got the wire brush mohawk going for him, and he’s got the foos (Kirk and Norris) seriously pitied.

Because of these strong points, Mr. T is a top-notch candidate for the Big ‘Ol Gold Belt.

[Related posts here and here. Related archive here. Coming up tomorrow: Chuck Norris.]

Kirk vs. T vs. Norris: Battle of the Titans (Part 1)

Let’s start with Captain James Tiberius Kirk and his dilithium-powered toilet plunger with crystalline scrubbing bubbles.

He wasn’t even born when Chuck Norris and Mr. T came along, so there’s a definite age-gap. If Chuck and Mr. really wanted to take him out, they’d have to chase down and crank on Kirk’s present-time direct lineage ancestors. Of course, maybe just taking out a few of Kirk’s ancestors would be enough, and Captain James T. Kirk’s pedigree would be sufficiently damaged to make him a non-combatant by default.

But Kirk has one great advantage: worm holes. He can travel back in time and kick anyone’s butt if he really wanted to. He could conceivably find Norris and T while they were still in grade school, beam them up and drop them off with Flash Basbo on the Planet of the Mind Gobblers. Honestly, I don’t believe Kirk could pull it off. He’s got more integrity than to do something that despicable.

Even if he could, he wouldn’t do it on his own… at least three more have to beam down with him. The guy with the red shirt is gonna eat it (whereupon Dr. McCoy, aka Captain Obvious, will declare “He’s dead, Jim”). The other two are regulars who might be injured, but will eventually be beamed up with the rest of the party and the cadaver’s remains if any.

Armed with his signature “Drop ‘n Roll” all-purpose defensive move, Captain Kirk is definitely a strong contender.

[Image from here. Related posts here and here, and we’ve got a related archive here. Coming up tomorrow: Mr. T.]

Saturday Matinee – SpinCycle, Howlin’ Wolf, Howlin’ Lou,Henry Mancini & Roy Buchanon

[Found at Arbroath.]

 

Twilight Zone-ish.

 

Interesting documentary… Interviews of some of the patrons of the “Spin Cycle” laundromat somewhere in St. Paul, Minnesota.

 

Oh, yeah. “Ya ya ya aya…” Gotta post some music. Do not mock those who try. [Also found at Arbroath.]

Howlin’ Wolf’s classic “Smokestack Lightning.”

[UPDATE: The bass player in this clip is Willie Dixon. THE Willie Dixon. Sorry I missed giving him credit. Dixon wrote a number of songs that later became rock standards. He recorded some albums himself, and didn’t stutter when he sang. More after the break below.]

“Theme to Peter Gunn.” Here’s Henry Mancini’s live version, introduced by Steve Allen. (The horn section rocks, whether you like it or not.)

Last Post on THIS Spin Cycle: The Late Great Roy Buchanan‘s explosive take on Mancini’s “Theme to Peter Gunn.” (This one’s for all you Aussies – Thanks for the hula-hoops, mates!)

Continue reading “Saturday Matinee – SpinCycle, Howlin’ Wolf, Howlin’ Lou,Henry Mancini & Roy Buchanon”

TGIF: The .gif Friday Post 36 – Psych Clones

The Fergusen Decatuplets, hogging the slide.

Looks like Superman is showing off again in his Superskivvies with filthy Superfeet, while the ghost of Charlie Chaplin hovers at the window.  Some things even I can’t explain.

Blow it out your Bounce House

“Daddy! Daddy! Were you watching?! I’m a Bunny Poop! Watch me! Watch me, Daddy! I’m gonna be a BIG Bunny Poop! Watch me!”

[Lost the image source after I lost my lunch.]

[Strutts News Services update– Mozilla has recorded over 10 million downloads of FireFox 3.0 in their attempt to break the Guinness World Record of most downloads within a 24 hour period. Lookee here.]

Feral Wombat Avoids Capture After Emerging From the Sub-Cutaneous Protocranial Region of Amy Winehouse’s Head

Pendlemont Turnstile East, England (Strutts News Services)

In an unprecedented feat of unnatural chamomile and a verified act of a genuine changeling, singer Amy Winehouse successfully produced a live wombat from her head, with neither provocation nor warning Thursday, in front of three of her four close friends (two of which didn’t show).

Due to years of self-inflicted mental and physical abuse, Ms. Winehouse came forward and admitted to Senior Reporter Bonnie Phumph (Strutts News Services) that she had indeed succeeded in her ongoing mind-altering experiments.

“It’s only natural that I should produce apparitions like this. I see them all the time, and it’s about time you did, too,” stated the formerly attractive Ms. W.

The unusually coloured black wombat emerged, scratched itself a bit, and wandered off into the hinterlands of the internest; Ms. Winehouse quietly followed and retired for a three-day nap prior to wandering off herself.

[Original undoctored image from here. Related post here.]

All-American Lunch Ladies: Sandwiches, Pastries, Pastries, Chips, Chips, Chips

Back Row: Jennie, Heide, Mary, Jean, Antoinette, Billy, Betty, Virginia, Charlotte, Wilma, Henrietta.
Front Row: Joyce, Ruth, Fay, Connie, and Doris.

These fine women kept the lovely Mrs. Strutts from starving to death in High School. I am forever in their debt.

[Related Lunch Lady post here. Don’t forget the Chips.]

Black Balled

Nope, it’s not an art project. The video from the LA Times kinda sorta explains it… In any case, 400,000 black balls are saving the planet or something.

[Image from here.]

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[Just a reminder: Tomorrow, 17 June 2008 – Firefox Guinness Book of World Records Download! Pass it on!]

Happy Pappy Day

“So… you want to date my daughter, eh? Okay, but first, you must pass the test.”

You really have no idea what your father’s done on your behalf.  Kranggg.

[Image from Happy Pappy’s Golden Age Comics.]

Saturday Matinee – Stuff + 3xSmoke + HRL

“Germany’s Funniest Home Videos?” [Via Phils Phun.]

Politically ignorant animation, but Bunk finds it funny (coupla entirely unnecessary F-bombs, though). [Via Kitty’s Saloon.]

“Smoke Smoke Smoke.” Here’s Tex Williams’ original deal. (Tell me that rap didn’t start in 1947.)

Commander Cody’s 1973 take… Here’s to Dolph for those two.

Commander Cody & the Lost Planet Airmen: Excellent cover of Phil Harris’ “Hot Rod Lincoln.” (Video cuts off that last “Hot-Rod-Lincoln” with the coda. That’s just not right.)

What a slick prank. [Via Bits & Pieces.]

17 June 2008 – Mark your calendars for the Firefox Guinness Book of World Records Download! Pass it on!