Category: True Stories

Joshua Norton’s Contribution to the World

Emperor Norton I_Wikipedia

Joshua Abraham Norton of San Francisco (via England) recobanized that the State of the Union was in disrepair in 1859, and realized that he alone could save the United States of America from certain catastrophe. Subsequently, and for legitimate reasons, he unselfishly declared himself Emperor Norton the First.

From Wikipedia:

In accordance with his self-appointed role of emperor, Norton issued numerous decrees on matters of the state. After assuming absolute control over the country, he saw no further need for a legislature, and on October 12, 1859, he issued a decree that formally “dissolved” the United States Congress. In the decree, Norton observed:

“…fraud and corruption prevent a fair and proper expression of the public voice; that open violation of the laws are constantly occurring, caused by mobs, parties, factions and undue influence of political sects; that the citizen has not that protection of person and property which he is entitled.”

He was humored and tolerated at the time; meanwhile I’ve put in an order for more Joshua Nortons.

“Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we’re being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I’m liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That’s what’s insane about it.” –John Lennon

Harry Truman’s classic observation rings true as well.

[Tip o’ the tarboosh to FinPeng. Lennon’s quote from here.]

Continue reading “Joshua Norton’s Contribution to the World”

The First Amendment Was Added to the U.S. Constitution for a Reason.

Get Up Stand Up 2

And because of the First Amendment, there was a Second Amendment.  The purpose of the Second Amendment was to enforce the First.

When Union thugs are hired and encouraged to squelch the speech of those individual citizens who oppose the rapid enactment of socialist policies in this Country, and the mainstream media is complicit with and encourages  attacks on the basic right of Freedom of Speech, I get pissed.  I can’t wait for November 2010.  (Click the image for a bonus.)

[Tip o’ the Tarboosh to cbullitt for the Angry Mob blank.]

Gnome Herding Declared Illegal in Oz

Gnome Farmer_Neatorama 090730

Cootamundra, New South Wales, AU (Strutts News Services) –
In a bold move, Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd declared a state of emergency in this small shire of 5,600 after more than 1,500 gnomes were discovered in captivity on Thursday.  Many of the captive ornamentals showed signs of neglect, and all appeared relieved to be freed from their captor.

“An allotment of four gnomes per person is unfathomable,” declared Rudd. “It flies in the face of everything this country stands for.”

Although Rudd acknowledged that some of the gnomes were not full grown and had barely sprouted when the farm was discovered, he condemned the practice as barbaric. “These gnomes were not intended for distribution to those in need across New South Wales, but were earmarked for export.  It’s no secret that such trafficking is illegal.”

[Spokespersons for VE Imports, the world’s largest gnome trader, did not return our phone calls and were unavailable for comment.]

When asked about gnome farmer and property owner Cobber Bluey, the locals eyed the ground in reverence.  “He’s gone,” said neighbor Marcy Dotes. “He stepped over the line ten times too many, the bastard.”

[Image from Neatorama; corroborating source here.]

Bill Murray: Posterchild for Socialism?

Bill Murray Propaganda_Socialism.nu 090803

[Found here because they linked to us. Appears to be a pro-communist Swedish blog, but I dunno, Babs.]

Blogoversary II: Our 2nd Year’s Top 10

cactus-sign-tacky-raccoon

Whoa. Two freakin’ years (not counting the undercover ghost-posting stalking decades) and y’all are still with us, doin’ the Number 6,  a-ridin’ into town a-whompin’ an’ a whumpin’.

Our first post was on Friday, 3 August 2007, but since we don’t wanna interrupt your Monday work schedule with all the hoopla, we turned back the calendar by a day.  We also know, since we track the stats, that most of y’all check in here during your working hours anyway.  Believe it or not, our statistics have a pulse. You have no excuse for not clicking through all 11 links below, because it’s still the weekend.

Tacky Raccon2..1Many people have asked us about our now world famous TR logo.  Once we’d decided on a blogname, we realized that we needed a mascot, so I doodled a raccoon that had just realized he’d blundered through a puddle of rubber cement. That was it. One shot. On a scrap of notebook paper. Serious history.

There are a lot of reasons why I like posting inanities on this blog, but I can’t think of any right now. All I know is it keeps me from oiling the chainsaw and putting the dishes away. Mostly I enjoy the camaraderie  of my fellow blogheads and the opportunity to crosspost trash talk with relative impunity. Above all, comments from near and far keep me sitting here and avoiding “Dancing With The Stars” reruns.

So here are the greatest traffic producers of the past year, with the previous year’s ranking separated by an appropriate slash.
NR = no rating,  indicating that the post either didn’t make rank or wasn’t posted last year.

My personal favorite for this year, Popeye’s Obituary, didn’t rank, but it’s barely a monthski old.  A simple click on any image below will take you to the realm of the original coolness.

SO HERE WE GO:

No. 10/1  – Another Great Christmas Gift Idea

connect-one_liver

No. 9/nr – Lesbian Amputee Dwarf Porn

cheetah-whoa2

No. 8/4 – Faith Enhancer
[True learning experience here.]

dios-via-chiquiworld

No. 7/nr – LOL Ferret: On Watch

lol-ferret-litehouse2

No. 6/nr – Southern California Fires October 2007

mission-viejo-ca-oct-2007

No. 5/2 – Nice Stained Glass

300px-mrt-stained-glass

No. 4/5 – Pirates Attack Venice With Rabbit

pirate-bunny

No. 3/nr – Giant Wooly Bear Caterpillar Discovered
[Don’t miss the comments on this one.]

ground-alapaca

No. 2/3 – Batmobile Babe Magnet

batmobile-babe-magnet

AND THE NUMBER ONE POST OF THE YEAR IS:

No. 1/10 – LOL FERRET: Episode 1

lol-ferret-snakeWooHoo.

Thanks to all you loyal readers,  commenters and linkers.

Y’all make me feel like a hundred bucks.


Saturday Matinee – Ghosts & Vapors, Pink Dub, Midnight Animals Oil, Ramones California Sun


Ghost caught on video!
“Booo! Booo! Run for mayor somewhere else! Booo!”
[Found here. Don’t jump to a Beer Summit conclusion, there’s more to the story.]

[Found here. Welcome to Electric Pelosiland.]


No video, but the concept is great. Pink Rock Floyd Steady Dub.

Nice cover of the Animals’ 1965 hit by Midnight Oil. But here’s some trivia: The song was written by Barry Mann. (More about him here.)

Oh, yeah.

I am not worthy of this honor…

Blogs About Handmade Aboriginal Novelty Fake Turd

…but Planetross IS.

You just can’t make this stuff up.

Giant Flying Piranhas_Fengtastic 090716

This is what Our President said will happen if we don’t nationalize the medical insurance industry immediately.  AM talk radio is next, followed by the hinternest…

YES.  REALLY.

[Image from Fengtastic. Dude.]

Pay No Attention: Redux

stinky-people_moonbattery-090526

On 27 May 2009, Tacky Raccoons offered a creative challenge that apparently stumped all of our readers, except for one.  That challenge was met by  a man of good honor, obsequious habits, and great initiative.  Above is the original image from here.  Below is the excellent modified and annotated image from VE:

protest

Of course, I gotta add my own snarky takes as well, below the break.

Continue reading “Pay No Attention: Redux”

“Try DOME GAS – It’s Better”

Dome Gas 1926_Strange Cosmos 090710[Larger image can be found here.]

WHOA! 23¢ a gallon!  And what a GREAT slogan.

Let’s talk about gas prices vs. inflation.
Inflation calculator: 1926-2009 = 1,108.2%

Price per Gallon in 1926 (regular, leaded): $0.23/gal
Federal Gasoline Tax (up to 1933): $0.01/gal = 4.55%
Actual cost per gallon (1926 dollars): $0.22/gal
Actual cost per gallon, less taxes (2009 dollars):  $2.66/gal

Price per Gallon (regular unleaded) 10 July 2009: $2.90/gal
Federal Gasoline Tax 2009: $0.184/gal
California (Local + State + Fed Taxes) 6 July 2009:
$0.645/gal* = 2.9%

* Includes CA Sales Tax (7.25%) CA County & Local Sales Tax (1.25%), and  UST tax (1.2%) whateverTF that is.

Actual cost per gallon, less taxes (July 2009):  $2.26/gal**

**Note that the base price stated for California gasoline includes costs for state mandated fuel additives, summer/winter mixes, ethanol. Note also that this amount includes franchise fees, business license fees, miniscule profit by the small business folks, and Swantzenegger Boxer Feinswein Pelosi & Waxman fees, other “revenue enhancement fees” emanating from Sacramento, and costs for gettin’ the lead out.

[Sources found here and here.]

Now Let’s talk about mileage and cost and technology.

Continue reading ““Try DOME GAS – It’s Better””