Category: Potty Humor

Nothing Much Happened Today.

[Found here.]

‘Scuse Me, But Haven’t We Met Before?

Dogs crack me up because they’re all jerks. Lovable jerks, for sure, but they’re still idiots, and they have no shame. Dogs just enjoy doing what dogs do.

Simple things amaze them. Every weekday you come home from work, and they’re ecstatic that you were able to find your way back on your own… again. When they hear a siren, they howl to help spread the alarm. Throw a snowball into a drift and they’ll spend 15 minutes looking for it before they realize that they’ve been had, and then they want you to do it again.

But dogs know how to play us as well. Sure Rover is happy to see you, licking your face and all… but he remembers where his tongue was a few minutes before, even if you didn’t see him doing it.

You’ve been Dog Pwnd.

[Image found in here.]

On bonobos and other stuff.

The neighborhood kids are never around when the car needs washing. It’s not like I didn’t pay them last time.

Each got a dollar, a beer, and a pack of smokes to split. What more do two 12-year-old boys want?  Their parents were pissed for some reason, so I promised that I’d never offer alcohol in payment again. I mean, come on. It’s not like I gave them copies of  National Geographic with pictures of naked female bonobos for them to fantasize about in the wee hours of the morning.

I get really tired of all the unwritten PC stuff these days; I never know who I might unintentionally offend.

[Image found here]

Hindsight

Cheeky sculpture by Seymore Butz? Looking through the rearview in a two-seater? Booty in the eye of the beholder? See bottoms? When the moon hits your eye? Buttinskis? Crackhead?  Eigel Asses?

Don’t be bummed; you won’t be left behind. We’ve got your backside covered.

[Found here.]

The Library

“Honey, if anyone calls, I’m busy. See you in a coupla days.”
On the plus side, there are no worries if you run out of toilet paper as long as you’re familiar with the Spiegel catalog routine.

[Image found here.]

Whatta Mascot.

There are some things even we can’t improve upon, and this is one of them. [Found here.]

How To Win At Hoseface

Oh, man, this is a game I’d fight to get in on.  I don’t care if it was manufactured and sold by Hasbro, Milton Bradley, Ohio Art or Whammo, the pure psychological strategy of this simple game is awesome.

First step is to show up to the party early. Then get the ante to a decent level, and once the pot is there, that’s when you talk about how you practiced with the set earlier. Of course you don’t remember which color you practiced with, as you start sniffling and hacking a bit. (Complaining about a slight fever helps.) Then start the game immediately, and without hesitation, hock up a loogie into the trash can.

Gentlemen’s rules say anyone who quits forfeits the pot. INSTANT WIN!

[Found here.]

The .Gif Friday Post No. 150 – Fones, Farts & Fails

[Found here and here. If you like these .gif animations, don’t miss our Awesome Archives.]

Digital Streaming In An Analog World

Nevermind the photoshopoopage, but that’s some odd robotic whizardry there. Even little boybots need to drain the oil occasionally, just like the big bots do.

[Found in here, crossposted here.]

Church Seats Are Go

Some of you may have noticed an improvement in the Tacky Raccoon HQ rec room restrooms recently. Yep, that’s right, the old cracked wooden butt-pinchers have been replaced with Church Seats. We’re going green, and the best part is that Church Seats will stay stunning.

[Found here, via here. Crossposted here.]