Category: Cool

TGIF: The .GIF Friday Post 29 – Future News

Beijing, China (Strutts News Services)

Olympic athelete Jorge “El Pedo Blanco” Perez was (posthumously) awarded the Gold Medal, finishing first in the 30 Meter Men’s Flatulence Competition on Thursday.

While hovering near an open flame just past the finish line, Mr. Perez ignited, and launched himself from the arena leaving a bright trail of orange and green sparks. Mr. Perez has not been seen or heard from since, but his memory lives on as an inspiration to all those who follow in his footsteps.

In English, “El Pedo” roughly translates as “Hoverman.” Congratulations, Jorge, wherever you are.

[Related posts on SNTC, and here.]

Abbey Roadkill

28 IF (or not).

Featuring “The Long and Winding Rowan.”

Beat the Meatles.

“For the Benefit of Mr. T, there will be a foo who see
dat we ain’t gonna take no mo’ dat jibba jabba
at Bishop’s Gate…”

“One Shlep Beyond…”

[.Gif from GrowABrain, others from here via AmyOops.]

SUB LOOHCS | SCHOOL BUS


Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.

Today I am multitasking.  (For some bizarre reason that I can’t explain, the name of Ray Nagin, Mayor of New Orleans, keeps popping up).

I had an idea for a bifurcated double-decker bus designed to drive in large drainage tunnels, spiraling all the way through. Although it would definitely need driver and passenger harnesses, who wouldn’t want to go to school in this?

I patted myself on the back for coming up with such a novel and absurd idea.

Then, while doing a Patent search prior to filing one, I found that another smartass beat me to it, and now I’m out of excuses for not mowing the lawn.

[Original undoctored image from somewhere in here.]

We’ve Got a Wide Variety of Popular Styles

Here on the Miracle Mile we have the world’s largest selection of

Large Portly Regular Thin and Long.

“…that’s right. ‘Retro’ is the new hot look this spring. This one is called ‘The Dhow’ for obvious reasons.”

[Image from here.]

Babe Magnet: We Gonna Rock the Pavement

Actually, he’s about to start popping pavers, and unless he puts chocks under all four wheels he’s gonna end up in the pool on the other side of the fence.

Still, I wanna hear what THIS sounds like on THAT system. When this guy parks, all conversation stops south of the Aural Assault Vehicle (AAV), unless one is well versed in ASL, or you happen to be a quarter mile away and approaching from the north.

Rain? No worries. Just power it up, hit PLAY INDIE/TECHNO MIX, and raindrops are vaporized into winter dogbreath within a nineteen-foot diameter hemisphere, as the AAV self-propels itself down Interstate 10 on sound waves alone. Pure efficient genius.

Does he have a chance with the babes? Certainly, but in order to score he’s gonna hafta take requests and blast chick music with the volume set at 11. That’s when he risks being pounded into red applesauce by a dozen bikers roaring in from the next county over who don’t have an affinity for Hannah Montana.

Better stick with Hendrix and Steppenwolf, bro.

[Image from here.]

Hot Links

How many wrong predictions about the future of the internest can you find in this Newsweek article from 1995? (Note that someone updated the post in 31 January 2008… what did it say before?)

Quick! Call 911!

Fail. You. Here.

Things that spill from trucks.

Dogs in cars. Nothing else.

Cats in cars. Just to be fair.

Lots of really RED things.

Urban mythbuster SNOPES deBunked.

The worst “50 Greatest Bands” compilation I’ve ever seen; all the wrong ones, and all out of order.

Aussies have always had my respect, but they’ve also puzzled me, until I read this. Now I’m just confused.

Someone else besides me knows who the Stoop Down man is. It’s Chick Willis. Here he is rockin’ out to the sitting dead.

When someone axes me what station I listen to online, I tell ’em either Jango or Seeqpod, depending on my mood. Both are cool. Seeqpod (beta) has a lot of mislabeled and dead links, but doesn’t pester you to sign up like Jango does. They both do the same thing, different ways.

Long tongues. Really.

Did we mention the Popularity Dialer? I thought it was clever, but the FCC shut it down while appeals are being filed.

Forget Waldo. Where’s LEON? He’s here.

[Letterman “whoa” .gif from here.]

Saturday Matinee: The Late Show

Gotta give credit to the late Chris Farley to make up for the .gif post yesterday.

Here’s the late Andy Kaufman on The Dating Game.

The late John Candy with the late Steve Martin from “Trains, Planes & Automobiles.”

Finally, to round off your late afternoon, here’s the late Martin Mull, the late Fred Willard, and the late Tom Waits from the late “Fernwood Tonight.”

On the Wet Seat

This is how you do it gracefully.

This how you do not do it gracefully.

Any questions?

[Images from AmyOops and somewhere in here.]

Ah Pity the Milk dat gets mah Crispy Sweet Corn and Oats Cereal all Soggy n’ Stuff

You know exactly what this is. When you were a kid you were full of it. I pity you. I really do. While I was heavily invested in the Cap’n Crunch experience, I’d already graduated to Grape Nuts and beer by the time this wonderment came along. Here it is in all its glory:

The linked website doesn’t just have a picture of the stuff in the box and the box itself, but all the really cool stuff that came with it, including the “FREE ADVENTURE BOOK INSIDE.” We all have Quaker Oats to thank for Mr. T. Who’d have thought that a mere cereal could create an internet superstar like the Mohawk Man o’ Peace?

[Images source from here, an I be dare y’all to leave a commentabulation on that website, Foo.
Don’t forget this and this. You can also view it in action at the bottom of the post here.]

Babe Magnet: Yellow Fin vs. Yellow Slime

This exquisite piece of Babe Magnetizement was found at LoserCars. Can’t be sure of the make or model, but it appears to be a 1955 Chevy V-6 with the genitalia removed, and fiberglassage slathered all over it to make it appear to be a 1957 Chevy V-8 with the genitalia removed and a big ‘ol honkin’ Eyeball ‘O Death on the front of the dorsal fin. Pure efficient genius. Kinda suggests what kinda talent the Mendocino Volunteer Fire Department has.

“Dude! Like, the bell went off. There’s like a fire or sump’m.”
“Chill, dude, like, I spoke with the guy at the county, and he said like fires are like illegal here and stuff.”
“Okay, but if we gotta roll, can I like ride on top and work the EyeThing?”

But I’ll let YOU be the judge as to which BM is coolest. FinPeng emailed me the SlimeMobile:

All I can say about the SlimeMobile is that it doesn’t do speedbumps very well, and it has a lot of exposed pulsing varicose veins for your motoring and viewing pleasure. A Molten Honda Civic is one thing, but at 5mph in a parking lot, a true Babe Magnet should scream, “GET IN HERE NOW AND DON’T TELL YOUR MOTHER.”

Unfortunately, this one screams, “OHNOSPEEDBUMP!! QUICK! GIMME MY NITROGLYCERIN! THE HOSPITAL IS ONLY AUUGGGGGHHH.”

So which one is the true Babe Magnet? AND FOR GOD’S SAKE DO NOT POST ANY COMMENTS.

[The best collection of True Babe Magnets on the internest can be found here for comparison.]