Category: Stupid

Morning Rush Hour in Elbonia

There are a lotta folks who become mired in traffic on a daily basis that don’t have a clue as to what to read while they wait for their graffiti-encrusted freeway exit.

Some read the news, sports, comics, classifieds, Oprah’s itinerary, etc. Many others choose history, historical fiction, fictional history, and science fictional history for mental diversion and carbon monoxide abatement while crawling along at low-torque idle speed on their way to work.

For those of you who find yourselves puzzling over what novelette to take along for your morning roadtrip to lunchtime, check out Spuddie’s Book Blog, a vast (or at least half-vast) summary of popular novels to peruse at 0.5mph. Here’s a typical example:

“WITCH HUNT by Shirley Damsgaard. #4 in the Ophelia and Abby paranormal mystery series featuring Ophelia Jensen, a librarian in small-town Iowa who has pre-cognitive abilities and her grandmother Abby, a witch. When a biker gang starts hanging out in their small town and essentially taking over a bar there, Ophelia begins to have feelings of unease that something bad is going to happen. And sure enough, one of the bikers ends up dead, and the accused is none other than her good friend and co-worker Darci’s cousin Becca who is visiting from California. Ophelia herself is distracted, trying to be a good parent to Tink, the thirteen-year-old girl she’s taken into her home as a foster child—from their last book’s escapades—and not finding it a very easy task. This book just seemed ‘off’ to me. I’ve enjoyed the previous ones in the series, though it did take me til the middle of the second book before I really began to warm to Ophelia. I found plenty to be annoyed with in this book though—much repetitive text and phrases, too many scenarios that were extremely unlikely, and Ophelia needed slapping upside the head way too often. I did finish it—if it weren’t such a quick, easy read I probably wouldn’t have—but I admit that I skimmed the last couple of chapters, and I’ve decided to hang up the spurs on this series since I can’t honestly say I much care what happens to Ophelia any longer. I do have the next one in series here, but I’m going to trade it off. C-.”

Spuddie knows what you like, reads it for you, and tells you all about it while you wait for your exit to come up 45 minutes from now.

[Image from here. Concept from here. Book review from WAY out there.]

Several Sumos Succumbed to Sleep Sunday – Some Sources Suspect Somnambulistic Solipsisms

I think it’s just a blind groupmoon. Notice that the floor mat happy face looks kinda puzzled in a slightly disturbed pensive kinda way.

Gravity is not a constant when objects of large mass interact. Sumomass in foreground floats erratically in the presence of a more massive opponent as Captain Pickard watches from ringside.

There’s something just not right with gaijin sumo wrestlers.

[First image from here via here; 2nd from here; Flabby Road image here.]

“Obamadoowop-Obamadoowop-Obamadoowop-DooWah”

“I’ve met Norman Fox & the Rob Roys, and I can tell you that Barrack Obama is no Norman Fox.”

–Senator Lloyd Benson, 1896.

“Weld-A-Cat”

As seen on TV.  Not available in stores.

[Image from somewhere in here.]

Negotiation works for all circumstances. Right.

Saturday Bonus: Tacky Raccoon, Sticky Blonde, and BART


Raccoon enters through pet door. Scopes out the kitchen.
Will he go for the cat food? Nah.
Will he go for the dog food? Nope.
This one knows exactly what he wants and knows how to get it.

She’s obviously tech support for Microsoft. (To be honest, I’d prolly be doing the same thing if I hadda work in a cubicle like that.)

Nancy Cartwright’s 2004 interview in Australia.
“I’m Bart Simpson, man. Who the hell are you?”

Saturday Matinee: Aluminum Baseball Bat, Let’s Go Together & Big Ugly Wheels

There’s just something not quite right with “The Howlies” but they have a Southeast Asian Fan Club based in Saigon/Ho Chi Minh City to give them some credibility. With some polish, this coulda been a great video, but it’s just unpolished enough to be kinda scary, and the little wolfie hats don’t help. (Bunky likes it, but not as much as this.)

Mickey Rooney rocks out with Dorothy…


The Beat Farmers‘ “Big Ugly Wheels” featuring the late great Country Dick Montana. (This one’s for Aussie Phil.)


If that one doesn’t play, here’s their excellent version of Neil Young’s “Powderfinger.”

TGIF: The .gif Friday Post 32 – Les Chats

 

CHEW CHEW CHEW CHEW

BAT BAT BAT BAT

STRETCH STRETCH STRETCH STRETCH

GTFO GTFO GTFO GTFO

[All cutesy catsy throwy-uppy .gif’s from here, except for the last one.]

Babe Magnet del Pinto Viento

Whoa! This Monster Magoo automatically qualifies as a genuine Babe Magnet if only because its owner photographed it from dog-eye level and printed it in B&W just to keep the yellow snow in check.

Good God, I’m drooling over this one… way too many places to begin, so let’s start here.

IT’S A PINTO!

But wait, there’s more! It’s a dark color, prolly navy blue, with flames erupting from the wrong end of this rolling molotov cocktail. The Ford Pinto was designed to be, and was, a real carp car, until GMC AMC beat Ford to the bottom with the Gremlin. At least the Gremlin didn’t spray atomized gasoline all over the neighborhood when it was rear-ended by that little s.o.b. Bobby Bieber on his Honda 50.

In order to enhance the Pinto’s reputation as a rolling flamethrower, Earl “Tom” Slick jacked it up to make sure that ANY rear end collision would hit the gas tank, and not just the ones caused by Stevie Wonder backing into the 6-inch yellow-painted steel pipe filled with concrete adjacent to the Wendy’s drive-thru window.

Oh, but then there are the snow tires that say either “Granola” or “Formula.” If the former, Earl is the whelp of hippy wannabes; if the latter, Tom has at least one PET Milk fan in his nuclear family. He gets some serious BM points either way.

Good God. There’s just too much to comment on, like the air dam with what appears to be a Life Motto: “To the House.” Maybe it’s “To the Mouse.” Or maybe it’s “To the Noose.” Doesn’t matter. It’s there, and it’s going to the thing that it refers to. Whew.

This is a classic Babe Magnet if there ever was one.

We haven’t even touched on Earl’s aluminum tower. Two lame Carter carburetors take the place of one lame Rochester on a homemade aluminum chimney.

We didn’t get to the sound system, designed solely for Brownsville Station’s greatest 8-track hit. We didn’t clamp down on Earl’s taste in sidewalk sirens/pavement princesses.

SO much left untouched and undone.

This BABE MAGNET deserves a second helping. Fill in the blanks with a Number Two pencil in the comments section below.

[UPDATE: The air dam inscription is “TO THE WOODS” and makes just about as much sense as the other interpretations. Oh, wait, maybe it’s “TO THE HOODS.” Hold on… “TO THE WOOS’S?” I dunno, Babs.]

[Pinto Blowage from here.]

Son of Hot Links

The management at Tacky Raccoons is proud to announce that the lovely and talented Jen of Casual Slack fame has whelped a new blog: Retro Tavern.

PhotoBlog of derelict/abandoned Insane Asylums (Asylae?) here.

Richard Thompson does a great cover of a not so great song here. His “Wall of Death” (originally recorded with future ex-wife Linda) is classic.

Please “Do Not” look at this link.

Brief summary of the basics of the Retroencabulator in layman’s terms, a veritable primer on Advanced Tublication, here. All it needs is a Buettner variable switch on the barraic capacitor.

It’s really not THAT complicated. Cool B&W photos of US teenagers and their woe-quotes here via here.

Obnoxious TV show from the UK (heh) featuring “Bunny Boiler.” (Kinda PG-sumpm.)

Live sidewalk cover of the Buggles’ “Video Killed the Radio Star” by The Wrong Trousers. And they’ve got a studio version here.

The Idiot Test. Not here, there.

Russia likes Tacky Racoons (and some of you folks on our blogroll, too). The translation for TR reads, “New Resource. It is interesting.” Good enough for me. Here’s the list.

Looking for new humorz? Diesel has 819 sites listed (with a mysterious rating system based on flux) at Humor-Blogs. Bunky is very pleased to be stirring up flatulence within the 90th percentile (but not enough to be dancing around in his chonis). Sign up as a member if you haven’t already.

[Previous Hot Links here.]