Category: Stupid

Babe Magnet: The Spoiler

Well, well, well. What do we have here?

Looks like it’s time for the Dorkville Senior Prom, and someone’s dad brought home some scrap plywood and 1×6 roof sheathing from the jobsite again. He snagged an aerosol can of expansive foam insulation as well. The same someone’s mom scored some water color poster paint from the art supply room at Dorkville Elementary while Mrs. DeFarcas was busy washing the wheat paste off of Bobby Bieber’s face. Who could that someone be?

Trey Johnson. He’s that little s.o.b. from down the street that tried to let air out of your tires and only managed to release a half-pound before his fingernail ripped when you hit him with the garden hose on Halloween night a coupla years back. Now he’s a junior at Dorkville High, and he owns a staple gun. He tried to flatten your spare with it just last week.

Not much I can say that’s not intuitively obvious to the casual observer, except that TJ really screwed up the fit of the trunk and had to replace both rear light assemblies (you can’t chip away that foam insulation without damage) and got no dates for his trouble. Even the Dorkville Cheerleaders laughed at him.

Yet another great Babe Magnet. Pure efficient genius.

[Image from here.]

LOL Russian: Boris Manilovchk

“I ridysong wat mak d hol worl cry;
“Donut be steak beef or dat ud-der gy;
“Я пишу песни делают весь мир спеть;
“I ridysong, I ridysong.”

[Original unaltered image from here.]

[Other news: Bunk is blogsitting Finicky Penguin’s Playpen starting today and running through the 18th of June, standing room only. Go have a visit. Help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge, make long distance phone calls to Nigeria to check on the bank account status, download tranny dwarf porn onto his laptop, etc. In a coupla weeks, FinPeng is gonna be blogsitting here, and I expect y’all to be on your worst behavior.]

WallCats

YES. THIS WAY.

YES. THIS WAY, TOO.

NO. NOT THIS WAY.

YES. THIS WAY.

[Images from here, here, and here; .gif from somewhere else.]

Hotski Linkskis

Amazing mnemonics are archived in the comments section here, including this excellent non-sequitur from Miss Cellania:

“Thirty days hath September
April, June, and no wonder
All the rest eat peanut butter
Except Grandma,
She rides a bicycle.”

I’m not related to Bunk Johnson as far as you know, but you can hear, here.

Visit the exact center of the internet. Be sure to click on it.

Dr. Diabetes (via Diesel).

Les Swazzo’s DooWop Cove Radio has live DJs with a wide variety of tastes/programming style from early ’50s through the ’60s. Excellent, and if you send in a request, tell Les that Bunky sent you.

THIS is one amazing web page. By the time you read this, I’ll have already stolen and posted some .gif’s from it. Simple, but with animations en masse.

See the Tacky Raccoons website as a map. Then load up your own and watch it bloom. [via GrowABrain].

Odd forest of Plantage.

Giant squidgoatse… here.

Make your own animated kaleidoscope.

New talent spotted: Cool Aggregator has a good eye for quality webmining; he linked to TR. (Y’all should follow his example and link here, too.)

Jen at Casual Slack has a nice tribute to Mel Blanc, who would’ve been a h-h-h-h-undred years old Friday 20 May 2008.

Go for it, dude. Macho Macho cones here.

Wanna be part of a new Guiness World Record? Click here for details. I’m in.

ATTENTION WORDPRESS BLOGGERS: RIPOFF ALERT: As this website is approaching its domain name renewal date, we received a notice via snailmail from a company called “LibertyNames of America” of Niagra Falls NY. They offered to renew the domain name for $29.00 for a year’s registration. WordPress offers the same renewal for $15.00 via email notice with link to PayPal. Sump’m just don’t feel right. If you’ve received a similar message, let WordPress know.

[Update:  Apparently this is a common scam, discussed here.]

Saturday Matinee – Glass Sphere, Drag & Drop, C.N. & Boogie Woogie

Sorry, folks, Bunk’s kinda wiped out today… had to throw this together at the last minute. I’ll be in better shape tomorrow.

The guy’s amazing.

Clever animation, via the Presurfer.

Don’t EVEN mess with Chuck.

Meade Lux Lewis was prolly the greatest boogie woogie piano man ever.

Albert Ammons and Pete Johnson were no slouches either.

Employee of the Month

(Strutts News Services, Vancouver BC) – The management of Bieber Industries [manufacturer of the radial Simpson Clevis damper] awards accolades to one of their own every month, for going above and beyond his/her job description. The award for the month of May went to Paul Wallace Doodle (pronounced “du-Dell”) of the Human Resources Department.

“Wally (as he is known throughout the lower ranks of the organization) was awarded the “Lime Jello Mold of Excellence” for his outstanding contributions, cooly screening potential employees of Bieber Industries with the tact and efficiency of a ballpeen hammer.

Any job applicant who gets past the ol’ Wallymeister is a good ‘un! Thanks again, Wall-man, for a job well done!”

Mr. Doodle was not available for comment at the time of this post, as his next-of-kin have yet to be notified.

[Image from Cool Aggregator. Text adapted from Bieber Industries’ corporate newsletter, 1 June 2008.]

Morning Rush Hour in Elbonia

There are a lotta folks who become mired in traffic on a daily basis that don’t have a clue as to what to read while they wait for their graffiti-encrusted freeway exit.

Some read the news, sports, comics, classifieds, Oprah’s itinerary, etc. Many others choose history, historical fiction, fictional history, and science fictional history for mental diversion and carbon monoxide abatement while crawling along at low-torque idle speed on their way to work.

For those of you who find yourselves puzzling over what novelette to take along for your morning roadtrip to lunchtime, check out Spuddie’s Book Blog, a vast (or at least half-vast) summary of popular novels to peruse at 0.5mph. Here’s a typical example:

“WITCH HUNT by Shirley Damsgaard. #4 in the Ophelia and Abby paranormal mystery series featuring Ophelia Jensen, a librarian in small-town Iowa who has pre-cognitive abilities and her grandmother Abby, a witch. When a biker gang starts hanging out in their small town and essentially taking over a bar there, Ophelia begins to have feelings of unease that something bad is going to happen. And sure enough, one of the bikers ends up dead, and the accused is none other than her good friend and co-worker Darci’s cousin Becca who is visiting from California. Ophelia herself is distracted, trying to be a good parent to Tink, the thirteen-year-old girl she’s taken into her home as a foster child—from their last book’s escapades—and not finding it a very easy task. This book just seemed ‘off’ to me. I’ve enjoyed the previous ones in the series, though it did take me til the middle of the second book before I really began to warm to Ophelia. I found plenty to be annoyed with in this book though—much repetitive text and phrases, too many scenarios that were extremely unlikely, and Ophelia needed slapping upside the head way too often. I did finish it—if it weren’t such a quick, easy read I probably wouldn’t have—but I admit that I skimmed the last couple of chapters, and I’ve decided to hang up the spurs on this series since I can’t honestly say I much care what happens to Ophelia any longer. I do have the next one in series here, but I’m going to trade it off. C-.”

Spuddie knows what you like, reads it for you, and tells you all about it while you wait for your exit to come up 45 minutes from now.

[Image from here. Concept from here. Book review from WAY out there.]

Several Sumos Succumbed to Sleep Sunday – Some Sources Suspect Somnambulistic Solipsisms

I think it’s just a blind groupmoon. Notice that the floor mat happy face looks kinda puzzled in a slightly disturbed pensive kinda way.

Gravity is not a constant when objects of large mass interact. Sumomass in foreground floats erratically in the presence of a more massive opponent as Captain Pickard watches from ringside.

There’s something just not right with gaijin sumo wrestlers.

[First image from here via here; 2nd from here; Flabby Road image here.]

“Obamadoowop-Obamadoowop-Obamadoowop-DooWah”

“I’ve met Norman Fox & the Rob Roys, and I can tell you that Barrack Obama is no Norman Fox.”

–Senator Lloyd Benson, 1896.

“Weld-A-Cat”

As seen on TV.  Not available in stores.

[Image from somewhere in here.]